My Benzo Taper is happening again. 2nd public try. Come with me! This isn’t the first or last time I’ll write about it And each little benzo death deserves some grief and celebration.
Heres an excerpt of my withdrawal symptoms from a previous blog entry in June (4 months ago)
- Weeping uncontrollably when I forgot my phone – I know my normal weep quotient and this is WAY more bio chemically feeling than that.
- Overwhelmed and shaky at the thought of driving 5 minutes to retrieve said phone.
- An almost constant feeling of overwhelm and helplessness.
- headache and facial pain including teeth.
- A feeling of thickness like I’m stuffed with cotton candy. Great for Body Dsymorphia.
- Pretend Sciatic pain hamstring area that goes away ( I don’t have Sciatica)
- Twitching , most notably bouncing my feet to the beat of benzos
- Restless Leg Syndrome
- Insomnia PALOOZA like needing 5 hours in bed before I fall asleep
- Compulsive loops of mind sharking around for mistakes or wrongness
I am now at the same level of taper I was in June 2020. So far this taper’s softer and gentler. I still have the compulsive loop think but I can recognize it. As in “I see you Mara” Here are the things Im doing differently this time:
- Watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race because its now available to stream on Prime. I know. Im only on Season 2.
- upped my Prozac 10 mg by Drs orders. And by Dr , I mean a Psychiatrist not a Primary care Dr.
- Exercising or moving once a day even if only for 15 minutes
- Listening to Gina DeVee via Cathy Heller’s podcast
- Practicing Meta thanks to Kevin Griffin and pals (more on that as it evolves)
Now I’m no stranger to withdrawal or Drag . One of my dearest Friends is in drag any chance he gets. And a member of my now defunct theater company wrote the wonderful play “Anything” and the movie is on Showtime.
But “Drag Race” is a new frontier for me. I also had no idea how deftly Ru can go from Fierce to Compassionate giving Alanon-ic and CODA realness.
You mean The Queen and her Queens could have saved me back in 2009? When it aired. 11 years I’m sad that I couldn’t afford a larger swath of cable channels then.
These ladies have simultaneously walked and werked in heels during my taper. They have given me an outrageous landscape of drama to focus on other than my own.
Please ! No spoilers. I don’t know who will be crowned in Season 2.
SO I stand again at the beginning of the Race. I am in competition with my season 1 of Ativan Taper and so far this Season looking better.
Here’s to being late and only on Season 2 of everything!
Links to help if you’re looking to taper :
Reverend Heather Elizabeth aka Bye Bye Benzos