This is not a post about The Pandemic or #BlM. Its also not a post about how to appropriately behave at societal rituals and obey decorum. I know how to and have done that. Yawn.
I have been foregoing alcohol for the past 55 days I had years of intermittent alcohol free ness before this. I just joined Annie Grace’s The Alcohol Experiment and It’s eye opening and Non absolutist. Relief.
As I move through more experiences drinking or not : I am in curiosity , discovery and dare I say whimsy about my preferences. My likes and dislikes : what charms me, what alarms me, and what school marms me.
Stillness -Love it. Chillness, No thanks. There are so many other people that do chill better than me. ( or pretend to).
I am an extrovert , I like people but preferably around an event or theme. (large or small) . I’m just not interested in sitting around and ONLY talking. I prefer there to be a game we’re playing, or movie we just saw, or project we’re working on, a book club talk? If we go to a concert I don’t want to sit down. Gross. Conversation or ONLY TALKING will arise organically around these activities and thats when it’s the best and most luminous!
When I was heavy drinking ,I needed to change things up after a couple of drinks. To stop the Chill before it gets frozen. During an alcoholic run/ binge, there would be maybe 1 drink or 1.5 drinks worth of chatter and then I would insist that it was time to dance now , whether in my living room, your living room , or at Oil Can Harrys. That drunk had it right! She suggested activities and drunk people followed. She shook it up. Then some people had kids and stopped following.
This is not a 20 something thing .This still is the case today, 32 years later. I mean, after a while the time for just talking is OVER. Now we have to play a game, sing karaoke, choreograph a dance, go swimming, or pierce someones’ ear.
What if this isn’t neurosis but VITALITY?
Not Infantile but Inspired ?
Before I thought, “oh you just get hyper when you drink and you must be very insecure to have to switch things up/control the situation. But what if I’m a curator of a better time. VARIETY people! People hire event planners to keep things moving. Mock dancers to break dance floor ice. I don’t know if its socially acceptable to continue to curate without the excuse of tipsy-ness ? I mean I guess as long as you’re inebriated, you may be more open to try my switch ups.
Aha! I don’t need to be drinking but I really need you to be drinking.
Whatever this fever is , Im going to follow it and try not to drink so I can be ok with it. More will be revealed.
Define Sober 
oh yeah…i do NOT do ‘chill’ well at all…i am a total “hostess”.I’m chatty, extroverted, and a total social butterfly. I always feel the need to change it up so no one ( or me) gets bored. I still do this even after being sober for over a year ( altho since february i have changed my relationship with alcohol- long story). i still cannot stand awkward silences or noticing a lag in frolic and fun whenever i am in a social situation ( less often with the pandemic but still relevant)..not exactly sure its the same thing you are describing but sounds quite similar…not really sure there is a cure for it in my case…haha…good luck!
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YES I think we’re talking about the same energy here. and Im not an absolutist with alcohol anymore . A lot of hostess energy that hasn’t been used in a while! Its chomping at the bit!
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thank goodness..thought i was crazy! haha
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