Benzo Bingo. I picked the wrong pandemic to kick Dolls.

Just like Patty Duke, I need my Dolls.

The relevant definition in the Historical Dictionary of American Slang is: Quote: 4. [said to have been coined by Jacqueline Susann in her novel Valley of the Dolls (1966); but cf. DOLLY 2a.] a tablet or capsule containing a barbiturate or occ. an amphetamine. (my emphasis) There is only one citation other than the novel, from a 1974 book called Mind Drugs, which just seems to be a list of drug names. The definition of “dolly” referenced above is: Quote: 2a. Dolophine, a trademark for a brand of methadone; a capsule containing Dolophine or an equivalent product. The first citation for “dolly” is from a letter by W.S. Burroughs in 1954.

The relevant definition in the Historical Dictionary of American Slang is: Quote:4. [said to have been coined by Jacqueline Susann in her novel Valley of the Dolls (1966); but cf. DOLLY 2a.] a tablet or capsule containing a barbiturate or occ. an amphetamine.

I decided to taper back up because I can’t take it anymore! Being alcohol free is still going. Im still on the Sober Curious path. I wasn’t in the league where I needed to taper of alcohol. But I admit defeat with benzodiazepine withdrawal. OR I admit Discernment. I’m picking this battle up later.

This happened because I rushed the tapering expecting some existential reward. Hello? None came.

To be clear, This is Ativan not Xanax but I would kill for some Xanax tapering stories. Or any current Opioid travels. Please feel free to share.

I had tapered down to 25% less of my usual dosage and here are some of the withdrawal symptoms:

Weeping uncontrollably when I forgot my phone – I know my normal weep quotient and this is WAY more bio chemically feeling than that.

Overwhelmed and shaky at the thought of driving 5 minutes to retrieve said phone.

An almost constant feeling of overwhelm and helplessness.

headache and facial pain including teeth.

A feeling of thickness like I’m stuffed with cotton candy. Great for Body Dsymorphia.

Pretend Sciatic pain hamstring area that goes away ( I don’t have Sciatica)

Twitching , most notably bouncing my feet to the beat of benzos

Restless Leg Syndrome

Insomnia PALOOZA like needing 5 hours in bed before I fall asleep

Compulsive loops of sharking around for mistakes or wrongness

The above may be “benzo-light” If it is then , Im light! Enough.

GOAL

Im making an appointment with a Doctor who specializes in Benzo withdrwal and going from there.

Primary Care physicians, through no fault of their own, are not versed in this fresh hell.

I found this video and the ones that follow it super helpful.

Well Doll, you won this one. But I’ll be back.

If you are someone that needs a drug treatment center, here is a link.